


Lie through your teeth but you lie to you

by Starysky205



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Con is a lot more comfortable talking abt it than Ev, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Mildly Dubious Consent, Smut, Two Shot, What Was I Thinking?, Why does the title sound like an Artic Monkeys song?, enjoy?, honestly, it's weird - Freeform, maybe a bit explicit, pretend relationship (one sided)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 19:17:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12800592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starysky205/pseuds/Starysky205
Summary: It starts clumsily, accidentally, ridiculously, and abruptly, but it starts, and once it does there’s no going back, or there would be if Evan wasn’t a mess.It starts surprisingly, confusingly, rushed-ly, and strangely, but it starts, and Connor finds himself wishing it’d never stop.(You can all thank mikefaist on tumblr for the fact that this story finally has a propper summary)((Can we all collectively pretend I didn't write this? Yes? Cool))





	1. Evan's side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am unsure how to explain this, it just sort of happened.  
> You are advised to completely ignore it.

It had started because Evan had panicked in the worst way possible.

Ok, so maybe it had started before that, to be exact, when he met Connor Murphy for the second time that day, now in the computer lab. But it started a little later than that, after an awkward conversation, and hastily signed cast, and a printed letter, and then there was screaming.

All Evan had known was that Connor was jumping to conclusions, and wouldn’t listen; he needed him to listen, needed to stop his shouting, that’s when it happened. In a surge of panic and frustration he took a step forward, grabbed Connor by the collar, and pulled him down, clashing their lips together, and when he pulls away again Connor is understandably stunned.

“I didn’t write it for you to find, it’s for my therapist”

Still riding on the moment, he nicks the paper from Connor’s hand and grabs his things, and turns back to Connor, who is still standing there, looking lost.

“I um… I need to leave, so…”

“No”

“What?”

“You’re not just leaving Hansen”

Welp, at least Evan got his first kiss before dying.

“Why does your letter mention my sister?”

Evan could tell the truth, and possibly bring Connor to his level of confusion, or he could tell half of the truth and let any conclusions be on Connor’s part.

“I just… she was the only person to be nice to me, and she’s good with people, and confident, and talented”

He looks elsewhere, away from Connor’s mismatched eyes.

“I’d give anything to be like that, and I though, if I could talk to her, become her friend, maybe I could learn how”

Connor takes a step towards him, there are only a few inches between them, and Evan is suddenly very aware of the height difference.

“You kissed me”

“Y-yeah, I’ve never done that before, kissing someone, uhm… I’m sorry?”

There’s a hand on his jawline, cold fingers against his skin, forcing him to look at Connor.

“Don’t be”

And then there are lips against his, and he’s driven himself into this, so he might as well play the part, and he presses into Connor, but lets the taller take control of the kiss, he obviously knows what he’s doing, the cast makes it a bit awkward for Evan to really hold on, so he has to lean of Connor instead, the taller doesn’t seem to mind. When Connor pulls away he has this expression that’s almost a smile, but not quite.

“That answers that then”

“What?”

“Don’t worry about it Hansen, I’ll see you tomorrow”

“Right”

Connor moved to the side, and Evan leaves the computer lab, doesn’t stop when he’s out of the school, nor when he made it through his home’s door, only when he was behind the closed door of his bedroom, to slump in the bed and try to make sense of everything that had happened.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

The next day Evan found himself double checking everywhere for Connor, unsure of what would happen. He doesn’t see Connor until lunch, when he appears in the computer lab, and upon seeing Evan, pats a chair next to him, and Evan walks over dutifully. Surprisingly Connor just wants to talk, he starts telling Evan about how shitty things are with his family, Evan chances sharing a bit of his own shitty experiences, his being mostly how awful it is to be alone all the time, and is surprised again when Connor listens.

They spend most of lunch like that, exchanging stories, tentatively learning about each other, Connor shares his lunch with Evan, saying it beats the cereal bar Evan was planning on eating, Evan can’t really argue. By the time Connor’s lunch was gone, it was a sandwich because Connor didn’t trust his mother’s cooking one bit, Connor leans over and kisses Evan, and because Evan doesn’t know how to deal with himself, he kisses back.

When Connor pulls away he has a tiny smile painting his lips, and Evan knows he’s fucked, because Connor actually likes him, and he can’t stop anymore.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

The computer lab scene repeats itself over the week, and every time Evan feels a little worse, with everything Connor shares with him, every kiss they trade, he realizes how awful he’s being. But he’s too selfish to let it go, too intoxicated in the feeling of someone wanting him.

He tells Connor things he hasn’t told anyone else, and things he has as well, has tried to make amends by laying his heart out in the open, because for everything Evan’s doing, Connor deserves to be the one to break it. He doesn’t, and Evan should’ve known he wouldn’t, so he does something else, he helps, he stays, he listens, he tries to be whatever Connor needs, holds him when he gets overwhelmed by his own feelings, remains through his bursts of anger, never holds Connor for mistakes; it’s the least he can do.

More importantly, Evan answers every kiss, every show of affection, tries to mirror all that Connor conveys when he kisses him back at him, tries to make it seem his own, and somehow, impossibly, succeeds.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

It’s a month before it happens, they’re in the computer lab, and somehow Evan’s sitting on Connor’s lap, who’s kissing him desperately, and Evan tries to respond in kind but the moment hands slip under his shirt he has to pull away. The look in Connor’s face makes Evan feel like he’s been stabbed, worry and fear, and he knows Connor will apologize for going too far, can see him shutting down on himself, so in a panic he speaks before Connor can.

“Not here”

He sees the way Connor’s expression changes, relief and embarrassment overtaking his face, Evan gives him a fleeting kiss on the cheek and tires not to think about what he’s gotten into.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

The problem isn’t what happens after Evan takes Connor to his house for the very first time, the problem is that Evan wants more, and Connor is too happy to comply, the problem is that they take turns and Evan still likes everything about it, and Connor becomes the only thing he can think about. The problem is that once it’s over, and they’re both panting messes on Evan’s bed, and Connor tugs him close with a huge fucking grin on his face, eyes brighter than ever, Evan curls around him and sighs in content.

The problem is what happens after that. 

There’s a conversation, about what this means for them, and where they stand, Connor asks Evan to be his boyfriend, and Evan agrees, the weight of the world suddenly on his shoulders.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

Evan tells Jared, because he’s the only person he can tell, and for all the dickhead behavior, he at least has a better grasp of social interaction than Evan. He tells him everything from the start; or almost everything, he doesn’t describe the sex, just that it happened, and that Evan liked it.

“Dude, you’re in love with him”

“What?”

Jared winces giving Evan a pitiful smile.

“Evan, just because you didn’t at first doesn’t mean you can’t now”

And for everything that has happened between them, Evan still takes those words to heart. That changes everything.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

Being with Connor is easier now that Evan allows himself to stop pretending, and to stop dwelling on the pretense, he finds himself smiling a lot more, and getting kissed a lot more. Connor also becomes more affectionate, initiating casual touches in the halls, and Evan has to remind himself that this is new to both of them.

Sex also becomes a thing, and they still switch, but Connor is the more impatient of the two, not that Evan minds, Evan is generally the stronger of the two, but Connor is very tall and takes full advantage of it, still, they make it work. Sex is another thing that becomes better after Evan’s conversation with Jared, he’s more thorough, trying to learn what works better, which drives Connor mad, and won him a few scratches and needy bite marks.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

Being introduced to someone’s family as their boyfriend is an entire experience. The Murphys don’t seem to know what to do with the turn of events, Zoe mentions having seen them together in the hallways in passing, and Evan feels himself flush at the implication, Connor rubs circles against the back of his hand under the table, and he can’t tell whether it’s to reassure him, or to stop himself from doing something he’ll regret. In the end it’s Larry Murphy who breaks the tension by starting a string of commentary on how they all hoped Evan would be a good influence on Connor, and then Cynthia saying he could visit whenever, and Zoe offering to hit Connor if he ever did anything to Evan; Connor and him agreed that it could’ve gone much worse.

Introducing Connor to his mom as his boyfriend was a different can of worms. Heidi was rarely ever home, so Evan had to time it right, first to actually tell her he’d been dating someone for three months now, and that they were a boy, and then actually inviting Connor over.

Heidi was entirely welcoming to Connor, and very supportive of Evan dating him, if a bit embarrassing, but Connor seemed to like her a lot. By the end of the night she asked if they were being safe, causing Evan to become a blushing mess, and to stutter a lot, it wasn’t that they hadn’t, they talked about it, and they trusted each other, just that it wasn’t a conversation Evan had ever wanted to have with his mom

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

It ends after a particularly long round of sex, after clean up, right after he drops besides Connor, chest facing the mattress, head turned so he can look at him.

“I love you”

The moment the words leave him he freezes, and watches terrified as Connor processes them, he rolls around, ready to bolt, but before he can he’s pinned back into the bed, lips pressed harshly against his, and when Connor pulls away he’s crying, Evan sits up with Connor on  his lap, and tentatively wipes the tears away. Connor kisses him again, wet and desperate.

“I love you”

And Evan feels himself tearing up as well, pulling Connor back to him, the exchange desperate kisses and proclamations of love, in the dark room, completely naked. Evan tugs Connor back into bed, where the moment he joins him he’s pulled towards the warm body for cuddles.


	2. Connor’s side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan is too fixated on what he’s doing wrong to realize he actually has feelings for Connor from the get go. But because Connor’s unaware of what’s going on inside Evan’s head, he notices the signs.  
> There, context.

It was a sudden beginning, rushed, unexpected, and inexperienced. It was having his outburst cut off completely by a pair of worry bitten lips, after being pulled down with a single hand, and then pushed away before he could react properly.

“I didn’t write it for you to find, it’s for my therapist”

Evan retrieves the letter and walks around his petrified figure, he concentrates on putting his things away, giving Connor time to recover somewhat, though he remains unsure to what's going on.

“I um… I need to leave, so…”

“No”

“What?”

“You’re not just leaving Hansen”

Connor needed answers, and like hell he was going to let Evan walk away without giving them.

“Why does your letter mention my sister?”

Evan bites his lip, a movement Connor's eyes follow as if magnetized, but he can't think about the kiss right now.

“I just… she was the only person to be nice to me, and she’s good with people, and confident, and talented”

He looks everywhere but at Connor.

“I’d give anything to be like that, and I though, if I could talk to her, become her friend, maybe I could learn how”

Satisfied, Connor decides to indulge himself, taking a step closer to Evan, bringing his attention back at Connor, he looks up at him with flushed cheeks.

“You kissed me”

“Y-yeah, I’ve never done that before, kissing someone, uhm… I’m sorry?”

His blush has climbed to the tip of his ears, which is unfairly cute, in Connor's opinion, and he decides to test a theory, placing a hand on Evan's jaw and angling his head just so.

“Don’t be”

And then he kisses Evan, surprising him for a beat, because after that he kisses back, happy to let Connor lead, as he's the most experienced of the two; Evan leans on him, legs not functioning properly, and unable to hold on due to the cast, Connor shifts them so they don't fall to the floor, without breaking the kiss once. When he finally pulls away he finds Evan looking dazed, looking at him through half-lidded eyes, with a silly smile on his lips, which makes Connor want to smile back.

“That answers that then”

“What?”

Connor shakes his head; Evan probably wouldn't like it if Connor pointed out how obvious he was being.

“Don’t worry about it Hansen, I’ll see you tomorrow”

“Right”

Connor moved to the side, allowing Evan to leave the computer lab, watching the other boy go, feeling a need to keep Evan all to himself. Well, if Evan disliked the idea he could always stop Connor.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

He skips most of the next day, but makes a point to be in the computer lab around lunch time, his plan succeeds when Evan comes through the door and immediately finds him with his eyes. Connor pats the chair besides him; plan already formed in his head, Evan gives a faint nod and walks to his designated seat.  Connor starts talking, striking conversation, Evan seems pleasantly surprised, and listens avidly, then takes his turn to talk as well, Connor exchanges information for information, and starts learning about Evan Hansen.

Connor ends up sharing lunch with Evan, who was actually considering eating just a cereal bar, but didn't complain when Connor shoved half of his sandwich on his hands, simply thanked him and dug in. They keep talking as they eat, and Connor finds his attention drifting to Evan's mouth half the time, and when the sandwich has disappeared completely he leans over and kisses Evan, taking him by surprise once more, but Evan eventually starts kissing back.

This time when he pulls away Evan follows him for a bit, before he stops himself and looks at Connor, he's adorable.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

Connor doesn't mean to fall heads over heels for Evan, but as their meetings on the computer lab become a routine, he finds that he can't stop himself, nor does he want to.

Evan is open with him, truthful, and Connor can only respond in kind, somewhat weary of the reaction, but Evan stays, and Evan tries to help, and Evan listens, and he's understanding, and he's there for Connor, and Connor falls quickly and fully.

They kiss a lot, which is a good thing, because Connor really likes kissing Evan, it's simple, and what Evan doesn't say in words he relays in his kissing, returning Connor's feelings with his own versions. Kissing Evan is good, but Connor wants more, wants Evan completely, wants Evan to want him as well.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

Connor gets what he wants one month into their arrangement.

Evan is sitting on Connor's lap, which means he's definitely aware of Connor's boner, but he's still kissing Connor like he can't get enough, so Connor takes his chances. Evan pulls away the moment he slips a hand under his shirt, and Connor feels dread down on him, did he take things too far? Did he read Evan wrong? Before he can say anything, Evan speaks.

"Not here"

And suddenly Connor is reminded of where they are, and he can see the blush that has risen to Evan's ears, and how wide his pupils are, and when he glances down he notices how this is affecting him. Then he realizes what he almost had tried to do, in school grounds, where anyone could walk in; Evan must notice his growing embarrassment because he leans over and gives him a kiss on the cheek, a reassurance.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

Connor has a free period right before the end of the school day, which he uses to go get everything they'll need, and then drives back to school to pick Evan up. He waits for Evan near his locker and he watches Evan blush as he sees him and walk to him.

"I uhm... my mom has a business trip and won't come back till Monday, so..."

"Your place?"

"Y-yeah"

Connor smiles and leads him to the car, Evan guides him to his home, a small house on the cheaper part of town, not that Connor cares, and he’s too amazed that this is actually happening.

Evan leads him to his bedroom, and gives Connor a lost look, he crosses the distance and pulls Evan into an open mouthed kiss, coaxing moans and sighs from him as he melts in Connor's arms, he moves them into bed so that he's on top of Evan, pinning him down into the mattress, breaking the kiss to admire how disheveled the other looks.

"I- I've never... never done this before"

Evan looks sheepish about it, Connor can't blame him.

"I'll be gentle"

"Ok"

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

Connor goes slowly at first, making sure not to push too far, making sure Evan was enjoying it, it was a lot easier with how relaxed Evan was around him, trusting him completely. Once Evan gets used to the feeling, and starts asking for more, Connor makes sure to convey exactly how much he's wanted this, reducing Evan to a mess of moans and broken calls of his name.

He's surprised when after it's over Evan asks to return the favor, but he's entirely willing to walk Evan through it, the shorter has less control, but Connor likes it rougher, and encourages him to let loose. Then they repeat the cycle, Connor teaching Evan how to ride him, which Evan seems to like a lot, then riding the shorter boy in return.

By the time the sun is setting they're both panting in exhaustion, covered in hickies and love bites, and a few scratches in Connor's case, from where he lift Evan's legs to get to his sweet spot and then proceeded to pound into it with abandon, that won him a round where Evan went hard from the beginning, fucking him into the mattress, much to Connor's delight. It's a good thing tomorrow is Saturday, because neither are going to be able to move much, Connor feels ridiculously happy, and grins as he pulls Evan close, the other curls into him letting out a content sigh.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

"Evan, what are we?"

"Well, uhm... we kiss a lot, and we just- just had sex a bunch"

Connor nods, feeling his face heat up.

"And I... I liked it, the sex, it was- you were really good and I... I wouldn't be opposed to doing it again"

Connor licks his lips at that, but he could wait until this was solved.

"That's... that's what couples do, right?"

Evan lifts his eyes from where they were staring at his twiddling thumbs, to meet with Connor's, making his heart stutter.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

"S-sure"

Connor beams as he kisses him, and feels Evan smiling against his lips as well, he pins his boyfriend beneath him, smile turning into a smirk. 

"Now, what was that about wanting more sex?"

This time Evan is the one to pull him down, into a needy kiss, Connor uses everything he's learned of Evan's body so far to make sure his boyfriend moans as loud as possible.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

After the sex Evan starts acting different, in a good way, he seems to become more confident around Connor, initiates contact more often, smiles at him in the halls, and Connor finds himself kissing him silly, to make Evan giggle brightly, and he finds himself pulled into kisses more often, so he's not complaining.

He's particularly set on not even mentioning when it changes the way Evan fucks him. The shorter boy starts paying more attention, experimenting with his movements, and it drives Connor crazy, it takes a bit before Evan finds the perfect combination to melt Connor into a moaning mess, but when he does Connor throws away any remaining doubts he had about this new Evan. They still switch, and Connor finds out that he can return the favor of driving his boyfriend mad with sex by walking inside him, something he finds out because he's impatient and used a wall to enter Evan, only to have to move both of them to his boyfriend's room; Evan's mom is hardly ever home, and they take complete advantage of it.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

There's meeting with each other's families, and Connor is surprised at how well it goes on his end, and being questioned on safety by Evan's mom, which had flustered Evan to no end.

Connor found Heidi entirely charming, and kept finding similitudes to Evan through the better portion of the night, he was really glad that she was so ok with them having sex.

Both nights ended with Connor being kissed on Evan's porch, the first time having driven him there after dinner, and now having spent dinner with Evan amd his mom.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

It comes to a conclusion of sorts on a Friday, on their first anniversary as a couple.

Because of the occasion they went to spend the weekend on the beach, they spent the first day playing on the beach and enjoying the town, but the second day was spent in the hotel room enjoying each other. Now Evan dropped besides him, with that tired yet endeared look he always got when they finished, turning his head to direct it towards Connor who felt extremely lucky right then.

"I love you"

The words leave Evan in a sigh, all at once, and they echo through the room, until Connor realizes they were real, when he does he notices Evan closing in on himself and about to run, and he can't lose Evan, so he throws himself over his boyfriend, pinning him down, and smashes their lips together, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. He knows he's crying, but he's never felt so happy, Evan sits them up, wipes Connor's tears gently, and Connor kisses him again, until the words form in his mouth.

"I love you"

And then Evan is the one tearing up, pulling Connor to him desperately, and they exchange wet kisses and proclamations of love, and Connor has never loved someone so much. Evan pulls both of them back into a laying position, and Connor clings onto him, holding him close, initiating the night of cuddling.


End file.
